Internalized homophobia is not inevitable!

LGBT youth are 2 to 7 times more likely to make one or more suicide attempts than the rest of the population (source: sos-homophobia). These risks are even up to 10 times higher in boys. Shocking, isn't it?

However, living your homosexuality well, without frustration and with serenity is possible. With the right support and by taking this step by step, it is possible to place your life in a virtuous circle, which is even our goal at HappyGayTV.

Although we often talk about homophobia in society, religion or family, few people are aware of the one that can affect LGB people themselves.

Yet this is one of the direct consequences of the negative perception of homosexuals in society which can turn into self-hatred.

Indeed, as Daniel Burrillo explains, “the binary logic that structures the construction of sexual identity works by antagonism. So a man is the opposite of a woman, and a straight man is the opposite of a gay. In an androcentric society like ours, it is especially masculine values ​​that are cultivated, and their "betrayal" can only trigger the most severe condemnations "[source: Que sais-je L’homophobie, 2019]

And do you know what is the height of the lack of virility in this context? What is the ultimate betrayal of masculinity according to this logic? Being gay, of course! Or even, being suspected of being attracted to people of the same sex.

How, then, to build himself as a homosexual man in a society whose criteria for the validity of his masculinity are contrary to homosexuality? Sacred internal conflict!

In this context, it is not surprising that some young people, who discover and understand their homosexual attractions, develop a powerful internalized homophobia, a source of deep discomfort that can lead to suicide.

Getting out of this strong internal conflict is however possible. It is possible to live well with your homosexuality despite the weight of the past. Let's take a look.

 

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What is internalized homophobia?

Internalized homophobia or internalized homophobia is defined as the aversion and rejection of homosexuality by homosexual or bisexual people. Quite the opposite of accepting homosexuality!

According to revelandriot.com, LGBT people who are subject to societal intolerance and stigma towards homosexuals can imbibe and develop his ideas from negative perceptions of society.

These very strong negative feelings can push them to suppress their attractions, to stay in the closet or to force themselves into an unwanted heterosexual life.

Discovering homosexual attractions, at any age, thus comes into conflict with the strong homophobic prejudices and social norms with which we have built ourselves. Whether it is related to religion, family values ​​or social dictates.

If you have been the victim of homophobic violence at school, at work or by those around you, you have surely already wondered if they were not right. Internalizing these discriminatory behaviors and words often leads to turning them against oneself. This can result in self-harm, self-destructive behavior and in worst-case scenarios, suicide attempts.

The homosexual can thus become homophobic. By hating himself, already, then by rejecting other homosexuals, whether they are gays or lesbians. The will to punish oneself and to punish others who are like us becomes very strong.

Fortunately, this can only be temporary, and just a step on the road to self-acceptance. It is always possible to reconnect with your own self-esteem, to live with your homosexuality.

Break free from internalized homophobia

Individual prejudices and social intolerance towards homosexuality are the main causes of internalized homophobia according to the American Psychiatric Association [source: I. Meyer and L. Dean, “Internalized Homophobia, Intimacy and Sexual Behavior among Gay and Bisexual Men ”, in GM Herek (ed.), Sitgma and Sexual Orientation. Understanding Prejudice against Lesbians, Gay Men and Bisexuals, London, Sages Publications, 1998.]

Becoming aware of your own dualities, or even simply asking yourself the question of your own homophobia, is already a big step. Let's not add guilt and suffering where there is already too much!

"If everyone says I'm not normal and shouldn't have existed, that might be true. You've probably caught these thoughts in yourself before. They only lead to self-loathing, as noted by Frérédic Gal, who agreed to share his views on the issue with us in our video on the ravages of homophobia.

You are not responsible for the homophobic environment in which you grew up. You are not responsible for the insults, moral condemnations and discriminatory remarks that you have internalized.

And most importantly, you don't have to carry this burden your whole life, you can break free of it.

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Here are the tips from HappyGayTV to detach you from your guilt and be able to better live your homosexuality or bisexuality:

• Suppress Negative Thoughts: Although it is not always easy, positive reinforcement and techniques like hypnosis can anchor your mind and then your life in a virtuous circle.
• Sort out to see more clearly: dissect all those emotions that get tangled up and slow you down, and be reborn yourself, like a phoenix.
• Learning to accept yourself, and even to love yourself: this may seem beyond your reach at the moment, but with the right methods and kind support, this is what awaits you.
• Stay calm in the face of homophobia: you can't change others, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with it all. Changing the world may not be possible, but keeping the negativity of others from impacting you so violently is on my side.

These tips may speak to you, but what is missing now is the click. That moment when you finally take action. The first step on the path to change.

Daring is the most difficult. It's okay if you feel isolated and discouraged, but you can be heard, to be accompanied. Need an extra helping hand to put that guilt behind you and come to terms with your sexual orientation?

Take the first step towards a more serene future (CTA towards support)